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When people discover that you are trying to conceive or going through IVF the first thing they want to do is offer their good to do, well-meaning advice and experiences. Please think first and avoid saying some of the following:
“Just relax and it will happen” or "if you stop stressing it will happen"- you don’t realise how counterproductive this statement is. How does someone 'just relax'?
"Think positive and it will happen"- Positive, I used to be positive, actually the first 4 years and 3 rounds I was positive, but after constant heart break and set backs, it can be a little hard to wake up each day thinking positive.
“At least you can always adopt”- I am not going through this because I want to have someone else’s baby, what’s wrong with us wanting to pass on our genetic material?
Do not under any circumstances complain about your pregnancy, baby or children to a woman going through IVF, I would give my right arm for what you have.
Don’t offer up your children to me, I don’t want them. I want my own.
Don’t ask me if I’m pregnant yet, I may harm you.
“Take a holiday”- I’ve had 7, and I could have been to Europe and back 9 times with the money I’ve spent.
“If you stop trying, it will happen” - Really? Perhaps I should have tried that before spending $50K.
"You just need to have more sex" Believe me, we have been giving it a red hot go!
“I bet your husband loves all the sex you’re having”- Yes, because a doctor telling you exactly when to have or not to have sex is very attractive, and my husband particularly loves doing his business into a specimen cup on demand, it’s sexy as.
“Have you tried………”- Counting your days, taking your temperature, using ovulation tests, having sex every second day, putting your feet in the air after sex, acupuncture, endocrinologist, psychologist, herbalist, reflexology, naturopathy, chiropractor, myotherapist, yoga, herbs, supplements, special teas, exercise, praying, meditation, mindfulness, animal sacrifice, cutting out wheat, dairy, lactose, fructose, gluten, sugar, fat, flavour, food, riding a goat on a full moon whilst taking juniper root. You can guarantee all of the above things are far easier, less expensive and less complicated than what I am currently doing, so yes I have tried them all, and far more things than you can think of.
“My sisters, neighbour's hairdresser’s cousin went through IVF and fell pregnant with triplets on their first go”- Thank you, that’s helpful advice and if you dare mention OCTO-MUM…..
“If you don’t have children think of all the awesome holidays/things you can buy”- I have been and done some amazing things thanks, but I would swap all of that for a baby of my own, remember that I would give my right arm for a baby.
"Have you considered you might be too skinny/fat to have a baby"- Do you actually have a moral compass?
“I just know this is going to work out for you”- I just knew that too, 4 cycles ago, and that worked out awesome.
“You have to have babies, you’re going to be a great mum”- because apparently your experience and knowledge has a great deal to do with whether or not you will actually become a parent and no one ever fell pregnant that didn’t want or wasn’t ready for a baby, NEVER.
"I have a really good feeling about this time, I just know it will happen for you"- I already put enough pressure on myself without you adding to it, and NO you don't 'just know'.
"Fate will take it's course, it will happen when it's meant to"- Fate is taking a seriously long time to sort her stuff out.
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