Is that TV working?

My first internal ultrasound. I told myself it was something that I needed to get used to, if I was going to have a baby everyone will be having a look, so take a deep breath and get it over with right? Can you ever get used to it? No, and I’ve had a lot! Yes they do get easier, but they aren’t all the same, some sonographers are amazing, some are crap. Some are quick and painless, some are not. Some, you sit in utter silence trying not to breathe or move, wishing it to be over as quickly as possible. Others are chatty, they try to make you feel better by making conversation about the weather, work etc., some will talk you through the process step by step and yes and some talk all about your nether region.

When I first looked up at that dark screen all I saw was a TV that desperately needed retuning and an aerial cable, and was completely unable to make out the difference between all the dark and light fuzz. Now I feel like I could have a degree in the stuff, I can recognise the uterus, ovaries, cervix and can guestimate the measurements from the screen. I know how thick a uterine lining should be at each stage of your cycle and what measurements a perfectly formed follicle are. All of this still doesn’t make them less scary. After literally hundreds I still break out in a cold sweat when my name is called. Not so much for the embarrassment, more from the anxiety of what it will reveal. Is the lining thick enough for a transfer? Are the follicles responding well enough for an egg collection? Did I drink enough water for the embryo transfer? Each time they reach for the long transvaginal probe (the long thin one), I tell myself EVERY time, one day they will be reaching for the external one and I’ll be listening to a heart beat. Instead of counting follicles, the sonographer will be counting fingers and toes. Only time will tell.

#IVF #TTC #Ultrasounds